(Not to be taken seriously)

If you wish to be a member of 

the Alaska String Band troop,

then be careful for you will find yourself

jumping through some hoops.

You must love chocolate and coffee,

and makeup and teased hair.

You must play several stringed instruments

and have a voice beyond compare.

You must live (of course) in Alaska,

where the winters never cease.

And don't even think about produce

(oranges are a dollar a piece).

The mountains may be lovely

but they're always hidden by clouds.

And Juneau is empty in winter,

but in summer look out for crowds!

You will play several shows a day

and always wear a smile.

And pray you don't get stuck at the tram

for you'll have to wait a while...

You'll need to be friends with Xochie,

the evil family bird.

(She sings 'Happy Birthday'

the creepiest way you've ever heard)

You'll need to practice for long hours

cooped up inside all day.

(Not that you'll want to go out...

the sky is always gray)

So you see, it really isn't that fun 
being in the band.
And I think we all agree, we'd rather be 
on a beach buried in sand.